I have commented many times that Indians are afraid to be seen to be wrong. I have read that they are afraid to "lose face". I have said before that I generally have to 'poll' several people before I act since I will get several different answers from ant five people so I go with the best 3 out of 5 strategy. For example, the first time I asked someone about the food sharing as described in a previous post, this person said, "No, we don't do that, they were probably just fooling around" It took me two more weeks of observing the same thing happening again and again at all tables before I asked another person, who told me that yes, it is absolutely customary to share food. I have been given contrary information so many times by so many people that I am wanting to say "Are you sure you're from here?"
The problem is that a person like myself has a very large memory, not strictly eidetic, just large enough such that once I am told something, it is unlikely that I will forget. I always had difficulty in school with conflicting information, because once I learned something that was wrong and I found out the truth or the facts later, it was very difficult for me to forget the incorrect information. It is one reason that I do not automatically respect teachers. A noble profession, yes, but if you are going to teach, you better be sure about your facts and if you are not, learn to say "I don't know".
It would be foolish for me to suggest that there is no face-saving in NA so this is obviously not my point. As a visitor to a land with unfamiliar geography and unreadable signs, I need the assistance of the locals to get around. If I ask a stranger, "Is this the train that goes to ...?" then I would very much prefer an "I don't know" or even a shoulder shrug to a incorrectly offered "yes". Getting on the wrong train would have much greater consequences in a foreign country.
Because I am expected to educate people here, I need to know if I am being understood. Once I have put forward a point, I will ask the standard "Does everyone understand?" Everyone nods, some in the Indian way. If I get an Indian head waggle, I switch to direct questions. Pointing at a head waggler, I ask "Ok, tell me what I just said." A look of abject fear crosses his or her face followed by the usual stuttering, I let it hang before I ask another person who may or may not know the answer. You might think I am being mean but then I would have to ask what is a better option? Letting them fail later because I couldn't be bothered to make sure I was understood?
Sometimes conversations take on an Abbott and Costello type atmosphere. This is a recent interaction: (only the names have been changed to protect the less than innocent)
On A Friday:
Me - I need to sit in on a training class
Local - Ok, I have one starting Monday
Me - Great, how long is the training?
Local - 3 weeks
Me - ok
Early, the following Friday:*
Me - The training is done?!?!
Same Local - Yes, it is only 7 days.
Me - But it has only been 4 days!?!?
Same Local - No, they started last week.
Me - But you said i was sitting in from day 1?!?!
Same Local - No, they were with a different group last week.
Me - Ok, but you said training was 3 weeks?!?!
Same Local - no, 7 days.
( *To properly read the second conversation, assume that my tone is incredulous and the local's is matter of fact.) Could I have misunderstood the previous week? I am going to say no, the word "starting" is a well known word and the statement was 3 weeks, not 21 days. Could I have been misunderstood? Still going to go with no. I speak very directly and I ask questions the same way.
The only lesson here is to be sure of your information before you act. When you are home in a familiar environment, it is easy to back up and change directions. When in an unfamiliar territory, check, check again and then check one more time. To my Indian readers, try to say "I don't know" once in a while. It is the beginning of learning.
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
The problem is that a person like myself has a very large memory, not strictly eidetic, just large enough such that once I am told something, it is unlikely that I will forget. I always had difficulty in school with conflicting information, because once I learned something that was wrong and I found out the truth or the facts later, it was very difficult for me to forget the incorrect information. It is one reason that I do not automatically respect teachers. A noble profession, yes, but if you are going to teach, you better be sure about your facts and if you are not, learn to say "I don't know".
It would be foolish for me to suggest that there is no face-saving in NA so this is obviously not my point. As a visitor to a land with unfamiliar geography and unreadable signs, I need the assistance of the locals to get around. If I ask a stranger, "Is this the train that goes to ...?" then I would very much prefer an "I don't know" or even a shoulder shrug to a incorrectly offered "yes". Getting on the wrong train would have much greater consequences in a foreign country.Because I am expected to educate people here, I need to know if I am being understood. Once I have put forward a point, I will ask the standard "Does everyone understand?" Everyone nods, some in the Indian way. If I get an Indian head waggle, I switch to direct questions. Pointing at a head waggler, I ask "Ok, tell me what I just said." A look of abject fear crosses his or her face followed by the usual stuttering, I let it hang before I ask another person who may or may not know the answer. You might think I am being mean but then I would have to ask what is a better option? Letting them fail later because I couldn't be bothered to make sure I was understood?
Sometimes conversations take on an Abbott and Costello type atmosphere. This is a recent interaction: (only the names have been changed to protect the less than innocent)
On A Friday:
Me - I need to sit in on a training class
Local - Ok, I have one starting Monday
Me - Great, how long is the training?
Local - 3 weeks
Me - ok
Early, the following Friday:*
Me - The training is done?!?!
Same Local - Yes, it is only 7 days.
Me - But it has only been 4 days!?!?
Same Local - No, they started last week.
Me - But you said i was sitting in from day 1?!?!
Same Local - No, they were with a different group last week.
Me - Ok, but you said training was 3 weeks?!?!
Same Local - no, 7 days.
( *To properly read the second conversation, assume that my tone is incredulous and the local's is matter of fact.) Could I have misunderstood the previous week? I am going to say no, the word "starting" is a well known word and the statement was 3 weeks, not 21 days. Could I have been misunderstood? Still going to go with no. I speak very directly and I ask questions the same way.
The only lesson here is to be sure of your information before you act. When you are home in a familiar environment, it is easy to back up and change directions. When in an unfamiliar territory, check, check again and then check one more time. To my Indian readers, try to say "I don't know" once in a while. It is the beginning of learning.
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
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