The Kindness of Strangers

"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers" Well, maybe Scarlet did but I usually rely on myself. I have always, in my words 'Gone my own way'. I would not eschew advice. I am interested in suggestions, opinions and even assistance but in the end I would make my own decisions, figure out the way that I intended to proceed. Often times it was against advice because I have always enjoyed being a little contrary. I have always tried to make the unlikely possible. You will notice I did not say 'impossible possible', I am not foolish.

India has challenged my preconceived notions of my own independence. India is a very difficult, frustrating and even exhausting place to visit. Take the train station for example. The announcement board is in English but once inside the station, the interior signs are in Hindi, so you are not much further ahead. Highway signs are occasionally in English and they will say the name of the place you may want to go but without the requisite arrow to point the way. Street signs are below eye level and in Hindi anyways even when you do find them.

Rickshaw drivers are a particular bane of mine. Take an apparent or purposeful lack of English and add to that an imponderable business sense and you can begin to understand the mind of a Rickshaw driver. At a rickshaw stand, if one driver turns you down, then all drivers will turn you down. Yes, you heard that correct, they turn down business despite the fact that they can overcharge me because even when they overcharge me, I am still paying less that the cost of one bus ride in NA and immensely less than a taxi cab would charge in NA. I have been able to estimate that Rickshaw trips cost approximately 10Rp (.17Cdn) per kilometer so a short ride is about 20Rp to 30Rp (.34 to .51). When I do venture out by Rickshaw, I can usually get from the hotel to my destination but I am rarely able to get back so I cannot travel somewhere where I to not have alternative transportation options.

On a recent particularly frustrating sojourn, I was unable to find a rickshaw back to the hotel, some drivers said they didn't know where it was, some wouldn't take me at all. Yes, I will repeat that for those for whom it does not make any sense. Rather than make money by taking me to my hotel during the slowest time of the year, the rickshaw drivers choose to sit idle. After walking for about a kilometer, trying several rickshaw stands along the way, I stopped, put my packages down and stood in some shade to cool down, not just my temperature but my temper.

After standing there for a while, contemplating my situation, I was approached from the other side of the road. "Hey Chris, is everything OK?" Hundreds of people work for my employer here and they all know me by name despite my knowing only a handful of them so I assumed that this person works at my company. I explain to him that as usual, I cannot get back to my hotel. He assists me, with effort, in gaining transport back. Just language skills alone is not enough to work your way through the Rickshaw maze.

You might think, 'well. he knows you, of course he would help' and I would agree except that there is more to the story. While we walk to the rickshaw stand, he tells me the rest of the story. His mother was across the street, she is the person who saw me, she told her son, "There is a foreigner over there that has been there for a while and looks like he needs help." He replied, "That is not a foreigner, that is Chris." The humour in that aside, I guess I can rely on the kindness of strangers.

Pardon me?

These Pretzel Are Making Me Thirsty!

A whole post just on beverages? Is is truly possible? I think so. Like so many things about India to a NA, nothing is truly the same. So even the simple act of buying and drinking a beverage is not always so simple. For example, if you ask for Tea or Coffee, you will get a sweetened and milked (not cream) beverage in all establishments. Even if you ask for Black coffee/tea you will still get sugar so if you want black with no sugar, you need to say it that way. Tea is available anywhere including street vendors but not every restaurant will sell coffee.


There are few coffee bistros in the Starbucks-style including Starbucks itself, Costa Coffee, and Cafe Coffee Day, to name a few, where you can buy an espresso, a latte, or a cappuccino. If it is brewed coffee that you seek, I wish you the best of fortune. Even the restaurants which advertise brewed coffee do not actually sell 'brewed coffee'. Starbucks has Brewed Coffee listed as the number one item on the menu but no actually brewing or even automatic drip coffee machines exist in the store. If you ask for Brewed coffee you will get Cafe Americano (espresso and hot water) but you can get a French Press of your favourite (if limited) choice. There is a chain called Brew House Cafe, catchy name but they don't actually sell brewed coffee.

 Tea is served at a cost of 6rp (.10) in what I can best describe as a condiment cup like you would get if you asked for blue cheese dressing with your chicken wings. Coffee comes in various sizes depending where you are but none of them would be classified as Large. The price of coffee varies a lot so it is difficult to give a reasonable estimate. I have paid 10rp (.16) for a 4oz (instant) at the Pantry at my workplace, 55rp (.94) at McDonalds for an 8oz, 90rp (1.54) at Costa Coffee and 190rp (3.26) for a Venti at Starbucks. Almost always, no matter what size you order or what type of drink you order, the cup will not be full and if you want to upset a counterperson at McDonalds, ask them to top it up.

 Most of the major-major soft drink beverages are available but you need to ask for a Soda like our friends to the South say, not Pop. You can find Coke, Pepsi, 7-Up, Sprite, Mountain Dew and Fanta (Orange). You cannot find Cream Soda, Ginger Ale, Dr Pepper, Vernors, Fanta-Grape, Fresca or any kind of Root Beer. There are some India Only brands, Thumbs Up (similar to RC Cola), Mirinda (similar to Orange Crush), and Limca (made by Coca Cola and similar to Fresca but not sugar-free). For the calorie conscious, Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi are available in a limited way usually only in the Grocery Store. As taste goes, 7-Up, Sprite, Mountain Dew and Fanta taste the way you would expect them. However, Coke is a less carbonated version of its NA brother and Pepsi is quite different tasting though I haven't quite pinpointed the exact difference but it is heavier on a spice, possibly ginger. Prices range from the 200ml small can at 20rp (.34), to the 250ml can at 25rp (.43), next is the 600 PET at 32rp (.55), and finally the 3L PET at .75rp (1.29).
 
Juices are very popular, the number of choices and sizes suggests that it outsells Soda, but almost all juices have added sugar and it is very difficult to find a no sugar added juice. They do not have the same rules where if they have added sugar it must be called a 'drink' or a 'punch' so read your labels. To date I have only found one no sugar added juice, Tropicana 100% Orange Juice. I must admit though, my favourite is Maaza, a Mango juice drink put out by Coca Cola. It has sugar in it but it is great and I wish they would bring it to NA. There are far too many kinds and sizes to quote prices for juices but the Maaza in a 500ml PET is 40rp (.69) and a 1L of Tropicana is 99rp (1.70). When anyone asks me where has my favourite place to visit been so far in Mumbai, I surprise them by saying the Hajiali Juice Centre. They sell freshly made whipped juice drinks but vastly more important than that is this creamy custardy treat with chunks of fruit in it. It is indescribably yummy and quite possibly worth the flight to India just to try it. Time permitting, you can visit the sights while you are here.

The most popular size for bottled water is the 1L size but I have seen gallons and 5L cooler size as well. One litre of water is available anywhere for 20rp (.34). For someone like myself who needs to flavour his water to drink it, drink crystals by Tang and Nestea are available but not in sugar-free and not in singles.

 Over the course of a week, I will spend more money on drink choices than I will on food choices. I have not put a full analysis on this yet but these are the factors influencing my buying choices: 1) Drink choices are more familiar than food choices, 2) It is hot all the time, 3) Drinks are never spicy, 4) Drinks are sweet without being cloyingly sweet as many of the dessert choices are here, 5) I will drink when I am hungry to avoid having to choose something to eat, 6) I will drink when I am bored, same reason, 7) I will drink at my desk while I cannot eat there, 8) I believe that food is relatively less expensive than drinks. Here are some examples, I can buy 4 oranges for 28rp (.48) less than the price of one 600ml soda or I can buy a small dinner of Chicken Fried Rice for 40rp (.69) which is the same price as one bottle of Maaza.

 I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.

Could You Repeat That For The Record?

I have commented many times that Indians are afraid to be seen to be wrong. I have read that they are afraid to "lose face". I have said before that I generally have to 'poll' several people before I act since I will get several different answers from ant five people so I go with the best 3 out of 5 strategy. For example, the first time I asked someone about the food sharing as described in a previous post, this person said, "No, we don't do that, they were probably just fooling around" It took me two more weeks of observing the same thing happening again and again at all tables before I asked another person, who told me that yes, it is absolutely customary to share food. I have been given contrary information so many times by so many people that I am wanting to say "Are you sure you're from here?"

The problem is that a person like myself has a very large memory, not strictly eidetic, just large enough such that once I am told something, it is unlikely that I will forget. I always had difficulty in school with conflicting information, because once I learned something that was wrong and I found out the truth or the facts later, it was very difficult for me to forget the incorrect information. It is one reason that I do not automatically respect teachers. A noble profession, yes, but if you are going to teach, you better be sure about your facts and if you are not, learn to say "I don't know". 

It would be foolish for me to suggest that there is no face-saving in NA so this is obviously not my point. As a visitor to a land with unfamiliar geography and unreadable signs, I need the assistance of the locals to get around. If I ask a stranger, "Is this the train that goes to ...?" then I would very much prefer an "I don't know" or even a shoulder shrug to a incorrectly offered "yes". Getting on the wrong train would have much greater consequences in a foreign country.

 Because I am expected to educate people here, I need to know if I am being understood. Once I have put forward a point, I will ask the standard "Does everyone understand?" Everyone nods, some in the Indian way. If I get an Indian head waggle, I switch to direct questions. Pointing at a head waggler, I ask "Ok, tell me what I just said." A look of abject fear crosses his or her face followed by the usual stuttering, I let it hang before I ask another person who may or may not know the answer. You might think I am being mean but then I would have to ask what is a better option? Letting them fail later because I couldn't be bothered to make sure I was understood?

Sometimes conversations take on an Abbott and Costello type atmosphere. This is a recent interaction: (only the names have been changed to protect the less than innocent)
On A Friday:
Me - I need to sit in on a training class
Local - Ok, I have one starting Monday
Me - Great, how long is the training?
Local - 3 weeks
Me - ok

Early, the following Friday:*
Me - The training is done?!?!
Same Local - Yes, it is only 7 days.
Me - But it has only been 4 days!?!?
Same Local - No, they started last week.
Me - But you said i was sitting in from day 1?!?!
Same Local - No, they were with a different group last week.
Me - Ok, but you said training was 3 weeks?!?!
Same Local - no, 7 days.

( *To properly read the second conversation, assume that my tone is incredulous and the local's is matter of fact.) Could I have misunderstood the previous week? I am going to say no, the word "starting" is a well known word and the statement was 3 weeks, not 21 days. Could I have been misunderstood? Still going to go with no. I speak very directly and I ask questions the same way.


The only lesson here is to be sure of your information before you act. When you are home in a familiar environment, it is easy to back up and change directions. When in an unfamiliar territory, check, check again and then check one more time. To my Indian readers, try to say "I don't know" once in a while. It is the beginning of learning.


These pretzels are making me thirsty!

You Want Me To Go Where

I got dragged out on another wild ride on the weekend. This one started 4AM on Saturday and I very (very) reluctantly went. I tried every excuse I could come up with, both legitimate and otherwise, to not go but they wore me down and ultimately I gave in. I am well outside my comfort level, being driven on unfamiliar roads in the dark to unknown places when I am pretty sure that I would be perfectly happy going to bed and sleeping for 8 or 10 hours. I had already been up since 10AM Friday, went into Koper Khairaine by rickshaw (another thing I had been avoiding) to do some shopping, worked for 10 hours then a couple more hours driving to arrive in a part of India known as Lonalva. Once there, I realize that only a fool would have said no. Stunningly beautiful vistas in a unique setting that I will never see again. I thank my host profusely and apologize for giving him a difficult time in getting me here. Sometimes I wonder why he tries so hard with me.

I realize that this entire adventure is outside of my comfort zone. Going to India was never on my To Do list and knowing that my company likes to do skills transfers from west to east, I had always said that if offered, I would turn it down. When they asked me to go for three months, however I gave an immediate, if tentative, Yes. "Yes, barring my wife's approval", except that I was counting on her saying no. So when my wife whole-heartedly said "Go!", I was shocked and dismayed. She had taken away my perfect excuse to stay in my comfort zone. "Sorry, I would love to go but the wife says No and I can't go against her wishes." So I was set on a path but then the company said six months instead of three and I could have backed out but I didn't. There was a problem with the Visa, my garage burned down, different points at which I could have passed on the whole idea but I didn't.

I probably seem like a milque-toast, allowing people or events to lead me around, seeming to have no will of my own but the truth is, I wanted to go to India just like once here I wanted to go to the Gateway of India and I wanted to go to Lonavla. I want to be included but because it is outside my comfort zone I am often times at odds with myself. In the final balance, trekking all the way to India may seem an extreme way to push myself out of my comfort zone but I realized that, in my life, I had let too many chances pass me by and then regretted lost opportunities. I decided that it is better to go and maybe regret going, then regret not going at all.

I haven't been in my comfort zone for a while now but I persevere and soon my comfort zone will be a much larger place in which I can live.

Could you repeat that into the microphone?

Disenfranchised or Unenfranchised?

My team took me sight seeing to Mumbai at 3:00 AM. I was unable to convince them that I wouldn't be able to see anything in the dark so I went anyways. I was then chauffeured through darkened streets at 60mph, so whatever sights may have been possible were little more than a blur. Since I am their trainer, I used the opportunity as an lesson in English. For example, as we whizzed by some monument or famous building, someone would say "This is the .....", I would correct their English suggesting that the proper way to say it is "That was the ......" since by the time I turned my head, it was long gone. We waited at the Gateway of India for it to open and this is where the story actually begins.

In a previous excerpt. I had commented on the relative cleanliness of this heavily touristed part of Mumbai. Overnight, I saw the efforts of the 'cleaning crew' in making this the cleanest area in Mumbai. The crew of mostly women went around with large tote bins collecting up trash of all sorts; paper, plastic water bottles, sandals, tin cans. Once the bin was full they would walk to the edge of the stone embankment and dump the bins into the Arabian Sea!

Appalled does not properly define my reaction and when I pointed out what they were doing, I was simply told they were not doing their jobs properly. Really? While I cannot, specifically, hold Canada up as the model for waste management, I have difficulty believing that anyone truly thinks this is an acceptable practice, even the people doing it (I can only hope). The 3 R's have no place in Indian society but a quick refresher is in order. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. They are placed in this order on purpose, reduce is the first best choice, reuse is the second best option and when all else fails, recycle. Canada, for now, has it drawkcab . We are very good at recycle, less good at reuse and not good at all at reduce.

People here in India have started to read my blog and some were particularly interested in my post on pollution. They are aware there are other options than the ever popular 'throw it in the street' and they know other countries recycle so someone asked me 'what will it take for India to get in line with other nations' with regards to the growing mountain (ocean?) of refuse. My first answer is that Indians or some group of Indians require a sense of moral outrage before any real change can occur. Although simplistic, it is very true. Someone needs to stand up and say "This far and no farther!" or nothing will ever change.

Enfranchised, in general, suggests the right to participate in Society and as such act in that societies best interests. Disenfranchised is a term that suggests that a group of people were previously enfranchised but were pushed aside for political or economic reasons. Today, I am coining a new term "unenfranchised" this group does not truly participate in society nor act in its best interests. I am prepared to say that this comprises 95% of the population of India. Although the focus of today's blog is pollution, this argument can be made for most societal concerns. There is an unexplainable lack of trash cans for anyone to use but even when provided, they still go unused. Unefranchised Indians treat living in India like you would if you were living in an apartment that you don't really like. "Well, it is just a place to live until I find someplace else."

In a previous blog, I had estimated the number of people living hand to mouth at 50%, I was told I was low so I looked it up. According to the World Bank, 68.7% of Indians live on less that $2US (125rp) a day and a staggering 96.9% live on less than $5US (308rp) a day. So, without a stable middle class, with a working class who cannot do anything but work to maintain their position and with at least 70% earning a scratch existence, it is left to the super-rich and the politicians to act in Societies best interest. Since these groups generally only act in their own self interest, I do not hold out a lot of hope for India cleaning up its issues for a very long time.

You want to go where?

Just Nod If You Can Hear Me

Verbal and non-verbal cues differ here in India from accepted norms in NA. I am usually more interested in what a person is not saying than what s/he is saying since that is often where the truth lies. Having an extensive background in Sales and a general interest in what motivates people, I have always paid attention to sub-text. Are the person's non-verbal cues consistent with what they are saying? What is underlying the current situation? How strong are this person's convictions with respect to what they are saying? Do they understand the words they are using? Most people do this to a greater or lesser extent but for me it is an avocation.

Here in India, shaking hands is very popular, they will shake hand every day and sometimes multiple times a day as they cross paths with you. The travelogues say not to shake hands with woman which is not true. Most working women shake hands. I would not walk up to a woman on a street and offer to shake but in a work environment, feel free to offer a shake. Many of the other hand touching (high/low fives, finger clasp, the 'bro' clasp) are not used but they know them.  I, personally, have introduced the fist touch just to cut down on the handshaking and most people are doing that with me now.

The travelogues suggest the use of Namaste and once again they are wrong. If greeted with Namaste, respond in kind but do not initiate with it. As I said before, people tend to stare, so if a stranger is staring at you, you might think that looking them straight in the eye should cause them to look away but this does not work here. If it is someone you to whom have an arm's length knowledge and they are staring, in NA, a nod hello should be enough but here this is not a known gesture so they just keep staring.

Indians are exceedingly afraid of making a commitment because this will put them at the risk of being wrong or being thought to be wrong so they are unlikely to use the words yes or no. Nor will they shake their up and down for yes or side to side for no. So far I have been able to determine two distinct side to side head waggles. The first is "I don't really understand but I don't want you to know it" which is a fast side to side waggle with looser neck muscles so that the head moves more than 180 degrees as it goes side to side. The second is a slower, tighter side to side waggle which suggests "I don't agree with what you say but I am afraid to argue with you openly about it." If they do not move at all, they are in complete disagreement, you can actually see them freeze.

If an Indian is trying to convince you of something, the head movement is down and to the right but I have seen it down and to the left as well. I cannot say for certain if it matters whether it is right or left but it usually suggests an honest position that they need you to believe. If it is an extremely strong opinion, the shoulder will drop with the head.

'Thumbs Up' is a known gesture, as is the 'V' or peace sign but I have yet to see any of the ruder gestures such as middle finger (up yours), index and pinky (got to ..ll) or thumb an pinky ('rad'). I haven't seen 'winking' which makes sense in this society. Another thing that the travelogues have gotten wrong is waving, Indian waving looks exactly like NA waving, whether it is hello, goodbye, come here or go away.

Is it disenfranchised or unenfranchised?

Didn't Your Mother Teach You To Eat With A Fork?

The entire eating experience is different here. Eating is a shared experience or I should say, eating is a sharing experience. Any food on the table is available to anyone. I assume there is a little more to it than that. For example, I doubt if a stranger or an outsider can just take food off another person's plate but for the most part, if you are sitting at the table and there is food, you can have some. No one offers and no one asks permission, it is quite a sight to see for a possessive person like me.

I try to imagine what my reaction would be if someone reached across the table and took food off my plate even if it was my wife. I would not begrudge her the food but I would be taken aback. I would react the same even if it were my children. I would offer my food to them, they might ask me for something, especially in a restaurant where each person may be eating something different. I give food to food banks. I buy extra food for the children to take for food drives at their schools but for someone to take food off my plate? That is primal!

Here in India, my tablemates offer me food. I am interested in learning more about the food but I always must create a decision matrix on how to accept; how little can I accept and not offend in case I do not like it?; do I have a clean utensil?; how was the food prepared?; and finally how spicy is it likely to be? (If they say 'not spicy' then it is spicy, if they say 'spicy' then it is very spicy and if they say 'very spicy' then I don't even bother).

Oh, did I forget to mention, Indians eat with their fingers, everything but soup. Utensils are available but the bulk of people eat with their right hand. Usually, but not always, they will tear up a piece of flatbread (naan or roti or paratha) and pinch some food into it and eat it. Other times they will just pick it up with their fingers even though, as I have said before, most food is served as a puree or in a sauce. Now, for a moment, try to imagine the melee of 6 or 7 people at a table eating different foods from 4 or 5 plates with maybe an eighth person circling the table picking from all the plates and all of them eating with their fingers. I can only hope they know this eighth person which is not always obvious.

I have found that I can take two dishes that I do not like and mix them together to create and uniquely edible choice. For example, there is a plain yoghurt-like product called Dahi, by itself it is sour and very uninteresting, then there is another product called Misty Doi, which is a custard-like yoghurt with the super sweetness of flan, too sweet for me. Mixed together, however, it is a near perfect balance of tart and sweet. Another combination I have found is Dal, which is mashed lentil with a ridiculous amount of spice added which makes it inedible to me and plain white rice which I also do not like because it is ....well....plain. I take a large amount of rice, add a small amount of Dal and I get a nicely spiced rice dish.

Just nod if you can hear me.