Relationships are complicated the World over, be they familial, marital, casual, business. In India, all relationships are further complicated by family. Imagine for a moment that your mother came to visit over the Christmas holidays just past and she is still there and then she bought a new mattress and then she sold her suitcases <shiver>. In many cases in India, a child never leaves the familial home, she is married (usually arranged) then her husband moves in, then they have children, then the children are married and do not leave bringing in their spouses, then they have children. There is no Old Age Security Fund so Parents ultimately become dependent on their children for financial support.
Hard to imagine? In NA, no matter what your relationship with your parents or siblings or children is, no matter how much you love them or don't, it is always known that at some point you will be away from them. Whether it is because you are going off to school or you are done school and are going off to your first job or you are getting married. Sooner or later the fledglings will leave the nest. NA parents begin preparing their children for this eventuality at an early age. I never thought about this till I was here but I have unconsciously been preparing my children to be out from under my shadow by around the age of 18, not because I want them gone, I have just always assumed it and acted accordingly, making sure I got as many life lessons in as possible in anticipation of them moving on to new challenges. This type of preparation does not happen in India, there is always the basic assumption that the child will always live with them.
Most marriages are still arranged but the method af arrangement has changed substantially. A women of marrying age (about 26) goes through resumes of possible suitors then interviews them, usually over the phone. If the Applicant makes it to the second interview successfully, a personal interview may be arranged. He is now a Candidate, if he passes the personal interview phase, the resume is presented to the parents who begin the negotiations with the Candidate's parents and they try to arrange an amicable figure for transfer of assets. If they are able to come to an agreement, he (the Hiree now) and she (the Hirer) are unlikely to see each other again until the Wedding which is usually in approximately three to six months.
There are two other types of marriages here; Love, and Love Cum Arranged. Love is just what it sounds like, two people meet, fall in love and get married (usually against their parents wishes, just like in NA). Growing in popularity is the Love Cum Arranged. Two people meet, fall in love, then bring in the negotiators (I mean parents) to arrange the transfer of assets (I mean the rest of the marriage). Conversations about marriage are quite different here. In NA, you might ask "How did you meet?". In India, a couple will tell you what kind of marriage they have or are having and single people will tell you what type they are going to have. I have heard single women say they want an arranged marriage so that if they get a bad choice, they can blame their parents.
Far less the shrinking violets they would like you to believe they are, women in India wield far more power than they would like known. During their dating years (which last until their late 20's) a woman can confidently go out with anyone she wishes without ever making any commitments and being able to say goodnight without even a kiss at the door. They need only work until the get married since their future husbands will 'insist' that they stay home post marriage. A very small number of women are choosing to stay in their careers but this is still the exception, not yet a groundswell. Once becoming a stay-at-home wife, she will then hire a maid to do the house cleaning and cooking since no respectable woman would do these housely chores. I am sure there are many women in NA right now who would like to be as 'oppressed' as Indian women are right now.
I cannot say enough about the food.
Hard to imagine? In NA, no matter what your relationship with your parents or siblings or children is, no matter how much you love them or don't, it is always known that at some point you will be away from them. Whether it is because you are going off to school or you are done school and are going off to your first job or you are getting married. Sooner or later the fledglings will leave the nest. NA parents begin preparing their children for this eventuality at an early age. I never thought about this till I was here but I have unconsciously been preparing my children to be out from under my shadow by around the age of 18, not because I want them gone, I have just always assumed it and acted accordingly, making sure I got as many life lessons in as possible in anticipation of them moving on to new challenges. This type of preparation does not happen in India, there is always the basic assumption that the child will always live with them.
Most marriages are still arranged but the method af arrangement has changed substantially. A women of marrying age (about 26) goes through resumes of possible suitors then interviews them, usually over the phone. If the Applicant makes it to the second interview successfully, a personal interview may be arranged. He is now a Candidate, if he passes the personal interview phase, the resume is presented to the parents who begin the negotiations with the Candidate's parents and they try to arrange an amicable figure for transfer of assets. If they are able to come to an agreement, he (the Hiree now) and she (the Hirer) are unlikely to see each other again until the Wedding which is usually in approximately three to six months.
There are two other types of marriages here; Love, and Love Cum Arranged. Love is just what it sounds like, two people meet, fall in love and get married (usually against their parents wishes, just like in NA). Growing in popularity is the Love Cum Arranged. Two people meet, fall in love, then bring in the negotiators (I mean parents) to arrange the transfer of assets (I mean the rest of the marriage). Conversations about marriage are quite different here. In NA, you might ask "How did you meet?". In India, a couple will tell you what kind of marriage they have or are having and single people will tell you what type they are going to have. I have heard single women say they want an arranged marriage so that if they get a bad choice, they can blame their parents.
Far less the shrinking violets they would like you to believe they are, women in India wield far more power than they would like known. During their dating years (which last until their late 20's) a woman can confidently go out with anyone she wishes without ever making any commitments and being able to say goodnight without even a kiss at the door. They need only work until the get married since their future husbands will 'insist' that they stay home post marriage. A very small number of women are choosing to stay in their careers but this is still the exception, not yet a groundswell. Once becoming a stay-at-home wife, she will then hire a maid to do the house cleaning and cooking since no respectable woman would do these housely chores. I am sure there are many women in NA right now who would like to be as 'oppressed' as Indian women are right now.
I cannot say enough about the food.
That's a nice one Chris, and I like the way you have written it. I always feel like writing what I have always felt and how the readers feel, but the best thing about this is that you have freely written whatever came to you through your experience and learning of so many years :) Overall a nice one on relationships..
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