A Wing and a Prayer

I have been trying to not write this blog, I mean how many people out there are already 'dissing' the airlines and the airports and travel in general, what can I really add. Plus I already ranted about my trip here, do I really have the right to complain a second time. Well, I do and you have the right to ignore me and I would understand if you did.

The trip to the Airport was the typical Tilt-A-Whirl experience. I think the driver had decided that I had not seen enough of the city's underbelly so he decided to take the (non) scenic route to the Airport but we arrived alive and unscarred and in India this is something of which you dream whenever you get into a vehicle. People insisted that I leave what I thought was ridiculously early, four hours before my flight and though I thought it unnecessary, I acquiesced and went early. What no one mentioned is that you must pass through Immigration to LEAVE the country. Did anyone in this incredibly long line give any thought as to what would happen if they could not pass the immigration inspection LEAVING the country. If I fail then would I have to STAY? Am I the only person to which this makes no sense.

Nevertheless, I didn't fail and was passed through to security which was the typical inspection to make you feel safe and sent off into the terminal. At this point I began to relax a little, I am a little closer to home. Am I truly in a hurry to be home? Of course, I want to see my family, eat something familiar, drive on a road where people stop for stop light. Mostly though at this moment, I just want the traveling part to be over.  They call the plane and we get in another line which is moving incredibly slow until I realize we are going through security AGAIN, so off come the shoes again another pat down and another line at the front of which is ANOTHER security check. Are people just justifying there jobs at this point?

The plane to Amsterdam was interminable but the flight staff was nice and the food (after six months of starvation) was heavenly. Over the two flights to get home, I ate more than I had eaten in the past week.  I also caught up on my movie viewing over the two flights. In Amsterdam at the next security checkpoint they made me take off my belt. I had lost 10 inches on my waist, I said, "If I take off my belt, my pants will fall down." The rude reply was "You could buy smaller jeans." The urge to strike him was strong and the filter that keeps a person from doing it was weak due to the fact that I had now been awake for 24 hours but I resisted.

Safely home, one final insult awaited me. The company who was contracted to pick me up was a no show. The only reason that I am not posting their name has nothing to do with any fear of being sued since the truth is a defense against libel, it is simply that I cannot remember their name.  Feel free to check with me before hiring anyone out of Detroit, I will find out for you. I made it home nonetheless.

Safely in the arms of my family, I am unpacking and sorting, I notice that my nail clippers have been removed from my suitcase. My nail clippers have been removed from my suitcase that was checked into the baggage compartment. Let's see if I understand this -- A pair of nail clippers buried in my suitcase which in turn is buried in the belly of the plane to which I would have had to fight my way down, then root around for possibly hours before I found my bag, only to return to the cabin to what, give the pilot a really bad manicure. Please.

So enjoy your next plane ride, I know I will.

The Grinch Who Left India

Every Indian down in Indiaville liked India a lot but the Grinch who lived West of India...did not. It may have been because his shoes were too tight , it may have been because his heart was two sizes too small but staring down from his hotel with a strange grinchy frown. "I must find some way to get out of this place! For tomorrow, I know, all those Indian Drivers will rush to their cars then the noise noise noise noise, there's one thing I hate, all the noise noise noise noise. They'll squeak beep and tweet, they'll blow all their horns." The Grinch sighed some more, ``Then the Indians down in Indiaville will sit down to a feast, they will feast and they will feast and they will feast feast feast feast. They will feast on Spicy Dal with Spicy Masala Rice and Spicier Masoor Dal on the plate to the right. They will eat Spicy Palak Paneer with Spicier Tandoori Chicken. They will even put chili powder on their Fruit Salad piled high. Then they will do something I hate most of all, they will turn on the music and a singer will start singing. She will sing and she will sing and she will sing sing sing sing in that high alto range which makes my ears ring."

The more the Grinch thought about it the more he knew. ``I must get back to the West, why for 153 days I have put up with it now, I must find a way...but how?`` Then the Grinch got an idea, he got an awful idea, the Grinch got a wonderful awful idea. ``I know what to do`` said the Grinch with a sneer ``I`ll buy a ticket on one of those great silver birds, that`s how I will do it, I`ll go back to the West``. He crept down the stairs, his bags in his hands, the lobby was dark, the guests in their rooms. He stuck his head out into the warm Indian night then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant out to the cab stand and stuffed his bags in the boot one by one.  Then he slunk to the Ice Box where he didn't take the Spicy Bhaji and the Spicy Masala Dosa, he left the Son Papdi, the Rasgullah, the Jangri, and Lassi. The Grinch even left the last can of Gulab Jamb.

It was a quarter of dawn when he packed up his cab, his clothes and his trinkets packed into his bags. An hour to the Airport, up up up did he travel. At the terminal he paused, looking around, and the Grinch with his Grinch feet very far from the snow stood puzzling and puzzling, ``Why don`t I want to go? With all the noise and the dust and the heat and the smog! Why wouldn't I want to leave this behind?`` He puzzled and puzzled til his puzzler was sore, then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. "Maybe it isn't about what you are doing or even where you are doing it, maybe perhaps it`s a little bit more. Maybe it is about the people you meet when you journey near and far. The honest, open and real people who take you into their hearts." What happened then, in Indiaville they say, the Grinch`s small heart grew three sizes that day. Then the true meaning of India came through in a flash and the Grinch found that he had the strength of ten Grinches....plus two. Now that his heart didn't feel so tiny, he was able to board the plane in the early morning light. Though he was leaving India for his home in the West, India would never ever leave him and wasn't that best!

Top Ten Things I Will Miss

It is sad that India is so far away from my home, what a wonderful place to visit:

10) The People: I injured myself the other day, not too serious but I cut my arm fairly deeply when I banged it on a car door. The genuine concern was overwhelming, maybe even a little embarrassing. One person has made it his personal project to nurse me back to health. He brings in cotton and gauze and bandages and antiseptic and ointments and tends to it everyday. He consulted with his sister who is a doctor on how to properly assist me. Previous to this, I had spoken to this person only once which is a testament to him.

9) The Food: "Wait! That was on your 'Things you won't miss' list?". Well, I have lost 8 inches on my waist and at least two shirt sizes since I have been here. I cannot say for sure but I estimate the weight loss at upwards of 40 pounds which I can mostly attribute this to NOT being able to find food that I like and not having the cornucopia of choices that are available in NA. There is a secondary benefit which has been having a limited number of meat choices which is something that I have already been trying to cut back.

8) The Weather: Yes, I know I complained about the sameness of everyday weather but my NA home  is going through one of the worst Winters, certainly in my memory, and it appears that it may not be cleared up by the time I return.

7) The People: I am often times invited on excursions. One person in particular has taken me sightseeing on several short trips to different points of interest in the local area on his own time just because he knew I was interested. He doesn't gain anything by doing this, he just wants me to enjoy my time here.

6) The Prices: Apartments are generally owned which in NA, we would call this a Condominium. This is called a home since very few people own land. Although prices for a Condo could easily reach into the millions, a condo in a luxury building in a suburb can be had for $75,000 (Cdn).

5) The People: The people I have been training have embraced my training and in turn made me look good to my managers.

4) The Food Portions: Everything here is sold in smaller versions when compared to NA, a Large size here would correspond to a Medium in NA and there is no Extra Large or Super Size. This has caused me to rethink how much food and/or beverage I might need at one time and I hope this lesson stays with me on my return to NA.


3) The People: Being here has made me re-examine my concepts of friendship. People here are very open and pursue friendship easily even with someone as insular as myself.

2) The Prices: Everyday goods such as food and clothing are about one-third the price you will find them in NA. Less if you shop markets rather than malls. Even prepared foods such as McDonalds are half or less the price you will find it in NA.

1) The People: One person here has been making food specifically tailored to my taste buds. These are local dishes for which she cuts back on the spice to make them more palatable to my weak taste buds. This is something she decided to do on her own just because she knew I was struggling with the local food. I did not ask her to do this but I will be eternally grateful for her intervention.

 Feel free to invite me back.

Top Ten Things I Won't Miss:

No matter where you go when you travel, you will find things you wish were different:

10) The Sameness: When we Northerners take our Winter vacations in the south we marvel at how green

things are but we don't live there where nothing ever changes, the circle of life (and death) exists here but is far less obvious than when the leaves fall, then the snow covers the ground, then the trees buds and then the leaves are back. Without a Fall and Winter, there is no Spring, only endless Summer.

9) The Noise: Mumbai and most other municipalities is an assault on the senses, especially the auditory sense. The traffic noise is loud and constant, quitting only in the wee hours of the morning for only a short time. It is very difficult to get use to the loud deisels, the unmuffled rickshaws, and the constant horn honking as drivers jockey for position on crowded roads.

8) The Dust: Albeit this is not the Rainy Season but because of this the dust builds and builds and coats everything, the streets, the sidewalks, the cars and even the leaves of the plants until the whole countryside is dun coloured.

7) The Music: Sorry to all you World Music Fans, Indian Music hurts my ears. Indian Songstresses sing in the Alto and above range as compared to the NA songstresses who are generally in the soprano range. Men often sing in Falsetto, a style that went out in NA in the Fifties.

6) Taxis and Rickshaws: 'nuff said!

5) The Staring: I have mentioned this before but it bears another mention, Indians stare and there is nothing you can do about it. They will stare at you unwaveringly. Staring back does not stop it nor does nodding acknowledgement. I continue to use my strategy of "passive ignoring", look just to the left or right of the starer(s) as if there is something more interesting just over their shoulder. You might consider mirrored sunglasses as another form of passive ignoring but there is nothing that will stop them from staring.

4) The Vigilance: I am constantly on edge about from where the food or especially the water came. I ask for drinks without ice, and if they put ice in it, I take it out. Mumbai is famous for "street food" and the food itself is probably quite safe but if you take a moment to look around you will see they are cleaning the dishes and utensils in a bucket of dirty water.

3) The Spicy Food: 'nuff said!

2) The Pollution: Several Indian Cities have been designated as "Killer Cities" due to the toxic air quality. For Air quality, of the Top Ten Most polluted cities four are found in India with New Delhi being singled out as amongst the worst in the world with air pollution 60 times higher than what is considered safe. When measuring water pollution, Vapi, a city just north of Mumbai, has 96 times the mercury levels that the WHO considers safe.

1) The Bustle: Not being from a Metropolitan Area, I am not used to crowds and the crush of people. Of the top 20 twenty cities in the World as measured by population density, 10 of them are found in India so almost all localities here are heavily populated. As a result, sometimes the niceties are lost. If I am waiting in line for a train ticket and I leave more than a couple inches between myself and the next person, someone will step in front of me. The most recent time, I was next to be served, probably five people behind me and a man stepped in front of me. Sarcasm is lost on people that do not speak English, because when I said, "That's okay, I wasn't standing in line, waiting for a ticket.", all he understood was "ticket" which he took to mean that I needed his help to buy a ticket. A strange mix of disrespect to me and everyone else in line but polite enough to want to help me buy a ticket. At the pantry at my worksite, if I am placing my order, people I know will reach across the counter or over my shoulder to make a purchase. At my most recent visit to Starbucks, I was third in line, a European woman was second, an Indian was first and another Indian man walked around us all and stepped in front of the first person. The European woman shooed him away for which I was quite surprised but still pleased to see.

Despite this list, I would happily come back. Look forward to my Top Ten Reasons I Wish I Could Stay.

Who Taught You That?

I have always intended that my blog have two main focuses (focusi?). First, it is an opportunity for me to try to make sense of the differences between our two cultures which helps me to keep smiling my way through my day even when adversity comes as it so often does. Second, I hope to create a base for NA travelers or workers to be able to align themselves more quickly to what is a culturally polar to their previous experiences. I said at the beginning that I am on a `skills transfer`, bringing Western Ideas and Strategies to the East. Without bragging too loud, this has been successful, there has been a measurable increase in performance but as my time winds down, my Managers in NA are asking how are we going to make sure that these lessons `stick`. How will we be sure these strategies can be maintained or possibly even flourish after I depart.

In NA, we push logic, in fact we teach "Critical Thinking" in our schools. If A = B and B = C then A = C. It allows or evens demands that students think about what they are learning, to be able to place facts into larger contexts. In India they teach by rote and require blind acceptance of their students. They cram information into students and the students are expected to spew it out without question. I have had the fortune of having long discussions with parents with school age children and although the children are filled with information, without the ability to question  the information, facts become jumbled and often misapplied. Without the ability to integrate information, to put it in logical order, you cannot be sure if the information is even correct. Students are never asked questions directly, teachers ask group questions and students answer in GroupSpeak, multiple people answering in unison. As part of a group your knowledge is limited to that of the group, you will not exceed your group.

Knowledge and intelligence are not the same thing. Indians are very intelligent and for the most part, well schooled but individuals will not stand out for fear of being found wrong which in turn colours everything they do. Fear of saying anything lest you be found to be wrong, even if you are not wrong. Fear of offering an opinion or suggesting a change no matter how beneficial on the off chance that you someone will disagree. Senior management encourages this silence because it makes people easier to manage. If no one offers an opinion then there is nothing to discuss. As a management style, it is the most comfortable way to manage. If no one offers a counter suggestion or a new idea then the status quo reigns supreme.

Think about all the successful Indians in Multinational Corporations, look at their resumes and you will discovered that they are Western Trained. The most recent example to come to mind is that of Satya Nadella, the new CEO of Microsoft. He first studied at the University of Bangalore, then the University of Wisconsin, then the University of Chicago. Indians bring their intelligence to the NA but then must learn Critical Thinking to be successful in NA. India is a battleship and as such it needs to be nudged slowly onto a new (Global?) course. Management must believe that it is possible and right now, management does not. Senior management does not even need to use intimidation to rule, they are followed because that is how it has always been. Even if change is necessary, they do not have to convince anyone because no one will argue. As a result, change is rarely made since change comes as a result of a recognition that not everything is working well. Furthermore, change is not always top down and this is something that is clearly missing. Since the people at the pointy end do not offer suggestions, management may or may not be aware that change is necessary.

While we in NA may disagree and while it may seem antithetical to us, to an Indian Business Manager, this all makes sense. Most Indian Business Managers were trained in the Indian System, rose up through the Indian Ranks and never went afield unless it was on vacation. Indians who train in NA stay in NA. So an Indian only sees a different style when someone from NA comes over to impose their will and with their History of Colonialism going 600 years back (or further), most Indians have learned to nod (waggle) their heads like they agree and just wait for the Westerner to leave (because the Westerner always will) so they can go back to Business-As-(Indian)-Usual.

It is unfair to suggest they are "doing it wrong" even if it doesn't make sense to a NA and no matter how many times a NA will tell or even show them how to do it differently, the lessons cannot 'stick'. Maybe the skills transfer should be done in reverse. Since a NA is highly unlikely to move permanently to India, maybe the Indian Manager (or manager-to-be) should be brought to NA for enough time to be immersed in the new behaviours before introducing these behaviours into the Indian office environment.

Be Different

I have always posted original work but I today I am offering up a speech done by my son, Joshua, when he was 13 years old. I have two reasons for posting this work. First, normal fatherly pride and second, it dovetails nicely into my next post (details withheld at this juncture).

It's called Be Different, by Joshua M. (Please do not copy/steal, for this speech is my son's and I am placing his copyright on it right here)

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Before I begin, I wish to have your full attention. Now, I want to give you a task, so listen closely. With my words, I want you to compare them to whom you are now, and how other people see you. Simply picture yourself in the places I will ask of you to be in, not as a hypothesis, but as a demonstration of the truth. Now then, teachers, judges, fellow classmates and all fellow people of the world, my name is Joshua Mitchell, and I wish for you to never forget that name, as I wish for nobody to forget yours either. I want to be remembered long after I die, and I want to be remembered as more than 'just another person'.

How many people are in this world? What is it now, seven-billion or more? And among those, how many of you are there, as a person? I think it's one, or something close, not too sure. Either way, how many gallons of water are there in the sea? Or grains of rice in bag? Many. It doesn't seem to matter if you drained a gallon of water from the sea, nor if you spilled a single grain of rice. Well, really, how is any of it different than a single person living a normal, albeit mediocre, life ? I mean, with all these people in the world, one of them doesn't really matter. But, what if you were simply a grain of rice? If you had dropped on the floor, nobody's going to really care, would they? Unless, of course, that grain of rice was actually a pebble of gold.

'What's your point?,' you may be asking. It's simple.

I don't want to be a grain of rice, a chunk of salt or a star in the sky. I want to be the shining sun that outshines any candlelight in the daytime sky. We all want to be suns, but alas, we aren't. But do we want to be forgotten? Never. But out of the billions of people living in the world and the billions dead, with all these famous names such as Aristotle, Micheal Jackson and Abraham Lincoln, can we really make a name for ourselves ?

Yes, yes we utmost definitely can. But how?

By being different. There are hundreds of artists, poets, musicians, intellectuals, etc in the world, but just because many of them can think but can't do big, and neither can we, it doesn't mean we cannot think of the present, and our own community.

The point is, that you must be different, be absolutely different. If you're quiet, and I know many of you are, be loud, for the world is a crowded room of people saying their name. Some speak, some yell and scream, some can buy megaphones, but some, likely you, whisper their names. We whisper because we don't have the courage to be ourselves. That's the number one step. You might say 'But I am myself, I am quiet', you're wrong. Every human mind screams equally as loud as each other, it's those who are willing to speak equally as loud that are heard. Writers, artists, politicians, inventors, company founders, mathematicians, teachers, scientists, doctors, electricians, lawyers, kings, comedians and even cooks all express their ideas, and many of them do it loudly.

But I'm not telling you to think of the future, think of the present.

Be extremely different! Do community service, persuade others to do things, explain your thoughts, dress like an alien, have a different hairstyle every day, end every sentence with the phrase 'da ze', talk to anybody about anything, search for aliens, practice magic tricks, sing in your favorite language, show your face, humiliate yourself, do ANYTHING to get people's attention! Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself, for it's better than not being noticed at all.

"Life is what we make it , always has been, always will be." That was the quote of the day when I started writing this after lying in my basement trying to come up with a speech topic. That quote was by none other than Grandma Moses, a woman who entered an art career at an advanced age, whose pictures had become famous simply because she had a joy for art, of which she expressed even when she was old and retired. See, she wanted to make a name for herself, and she did alright. And what she did was a fact, always has been, always will be. Anything that happens in real life, anything you do, no matter how unnoticed it may be, will be a fact, it always has been, and always will be, and that is irreversible.

Did you live your life whispering? Or did you live life shouting? Are you a grain of white rice, or will you be a grain of brown rice mixed in a white batch?

If you are, your contrast is just as golden as a shining sun.

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(Yes, I know there are some errors but overall I think the message is pretty clear.)

My son has reminded me to make my voice heard because anything that I want to say can and will matter.  I, too, will strive to leave my mark in this world.

Hey Buddy, Stay In Your Own Lane!

I know that an Indian thinks it is normal that a pedestrian crossing the road WILL BE honked at by several drivers; that a motorcyclist traveling down a highway WILL BE honked at by another vehicle to move aside; that on a three lane road with all three 3 lanes full, a fourth vehicle  trying to pass by straddling the lanes is reasonable and that the shoulder of the road is just another lane. These and many other realities are unavoidable on an Indian roadway. There are few stop signs, even fewer stop lights, and I have yet to see a posted speed limit.

I have NEVER been in a vehicle driven by ANYONE while in India where horn-honking was not involved while I am not even sure where the horn-honking button in my car back home is located. I have chosen to NOT drive while in India for the simple fact that I am too respectful and I cannot act like a typical Indian Driver which would actually cause more problems. The entire system is built on the suppression of Ego. Indians are able to interact without getting upset at these issues because they are able to suppress their Ego response, remove it from the situation. One of my Hosts explained their behaviour by saying "Indians are smart, they don't get mad about things that they can't do anything about." I would say this though, "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it". Okay, I didn't say it, Kay said it to Jay but I agree. Take this same behaviour and drop it into an area that has a similarly large population per square foot like New York City or Mexico City or Santiago where the people do not have the same ability to suppress their ego and this would be a recipe for disaster.

An Indian believes that the Wild West approach to the activities on the road is perfectly reasonable and although there are rules to driving on Indian Roads, there is little if any enforcement. Indians revel in the freedom that this appears to provide, they believe that they are managing their behaviour better than it would be managed if there were a police presence on their streets. With only 76 police persons for every 100,000 people, manpower is spread so thin that drivers are left to self-regulate.





Self regulation however has led to traffic deaths of 19 deaths per 100,000 people which puts it amongst the highest in the world almost double that of the US at 10 deaths per 100,000 people, triple that of Canada which has 6 deaths per 100,000 people and six times that of England which is amongst the lowest in the World at less than 3 deaths per 100,000 people. When you compare population size, however, then the real story is revealed, of the 12 million people killed on the roads worldwide over 140,000 or 12% of those people are killed in India. This still doesn't tell the whole story because compared to the 797 vehicles per 1,000 people in the US, there are only 18 vehicles per 1,000 people in India.  So if we recalculate the numbers on a vehicle basis, 33,000 people are killed with 260 million vehicles on the road in the US compared to 140,000 killed with 21 million vehicles (more than 10 times fewer vehicles). Let's consider one more calculation, if the US fatality rate per vehicle was the same as India then 1.7 million people would die on the roads in the US each year at which point the US would be able to achieve 0% population growth.

So I would have to ask my Indian hosts to reconsider whether their current situation should continue or whether maybe just a little more policing would be beneficial. For myself, the next time I am pulled over for a traffic infraction back in NA, I will thank the police officer for the safety he has brought to our roads.

Happy Trails To You

It is nearly impossible to move around in India on your own. There are so many challenges that co-occur that make moving about very difficult. If you are here for a short time, plan to overpay for everything. The longer you are here, the more cost conscious you can become but it will still be likely that you will overpay. My Scottish/Irish heritage makes this very difficult for me. If I know how much something should cost, it is very bothersome for me to be willing to pay more but it is something that I have had to suppress to function here. Fortunately, even when I am forced to overpay, I am still paying well under a comparable price in NA.

There are many challenges to any form of travel here in India. Asking for directions is unlikely to work. I have suggested that English is still very lightly used despite a big push to Anglicize. English is a required course in the non-public schools but not taught in the public schools which is approximately 60% of the school population. For those who are taught English, unless it is used, it will be lost. I studied 12 years of French until the age of 17. At best, I can understand the gist of a conversation in French, read in French, and speak short sentences but since I have not used this language, my fluency is gone. All street signs are in Hindi whose characters are quite unique so you will not be able to parse the words. Streets do not run in straight lines so getting from one place to another is exceedingly onerous.

This forces you to use Taxis and Rickshaws which even by local standards are the most dishonest (opportunistic?) group of vendors. Assuming you can make yourself understood and assuming the person knows where you want to go, you can still be turned down for the fare, they quite simply may not want to take you where you want to go. This particular trait has been both the most challenging to accept and the most frustrating to combat during my time here. The only way to get around this issue is to overpay. I have some strategies that I can recommend to help you to overpay the least possible.

I assume you are staying in a hotel. Have the hotel negotiate the rate to your destination. This will give you the baseline for your return trip. Rickshaws are slower and less comfortable but cheaper and more available. Accept that you will pay more for the return trip but it will be up to you to decide how much more is acceptable. Most rickshaws are not metered so agree on the price before getting into the rickshaw, also keep small bills so that you can give exact change. Many drivers will claim they do not have change. I have paid more than double for a return trip but having a set price with someone who knows where you are going is more valuable than an open price with someone who can drive you around in circles without your knowledge. In absolute dollars, your total cost is still very low. For example, from my hotel to the center of Airoli is 20rp (.35Cdn). To get back to the hotel, I am usually quoted 40rp (.70Cdn) but I have paid as much as 60rp (1.05Cdn). If someone is rude enough to quote 100rp to 150rp, I just walk away, why should I waste my time with patently dishonest people.

For longer trips you will probably use AC Taxis. Most of these are metered but there are gypsy cabs that do not have meters. Same rules should apply, get some type of estimate so that he cannot take you on Mr Toad's Wild Ride and use that total to decide what you are willing to pay for the return. To get from my hotel to the nearest Mall is approximately 20 minutes and the least I have paid is 250rp (5.50Cdn) but I have paid as much as 400rp (7.05Cdn) for the return. To put things in perspective, back home I live only eight blocks from my work but if it is raining or snowing, I will take a taxi. The five minute ride costs me $6Cdn (350rp), the longest taxi ride I ever took in Canada occurred when my Jimmy wouldn't start and it was 3pm with my children getting out of school at 330pm. I taxied from the top of the city to the school downtown, approximately 15 minutes and it cost $19Cdn (1077rp).
 
You can book a Taxi online for the trip there and a separate one for the trip back but I have not been able to make this system work yet. Another option would be to negotiate for the driver to wait, it would not save you any money but it would guarantee that you get back to your hotel. I have been stranded many times where no one would bring me back at any price usually because they do not know where the hotel is even when I give them the address. I get food delivered from either McDonald's or Domino's more than three times a week, I have been in the same hotel, same room for four months, and I still get calls asking for directions.

The train which is akin to the Subway in NA is going to be your last line of defence so if you will be here for a while, make sure you are familiar with the stations. The cost is low, I estimate it at 10rp (.17Cdn) round trip per station for 2nd Class which is usually jam-packed and 40rp (.68rp) per station for 1st Class, this is only an estimate but if you assume five minutes between stations, a fifteen minute journey may cost 30rp (.51) or less in 2nd class. Ride the bus at your own peril, they are vintage 1950 style with the same comfort level as a Cool Hand Luke prison bus. I am not sure even the Bus Drivers know the routes and just the other day I saw one on fire.

How Is The Weather Where You Are?

Here, 85 and boring, with scattered periods of dullness. Tomorrow, a distinct chance of Nothing New.

In NA, the weather is a topic you can discuss with anyone anytime. Many jokes abound about weather in NA. "The best thing about the weather here is it is always changing.", "Don't like the weather, wait a hour." In India, however, no one ever talks about the weather...ever. This is probably because nothing ever changes, it gets hot in the afternoon, cools a little in the evening, if it is not the rainy season, it doesn't rain, no matter how humid it gets, it still does not rain. It doesn't even get cloudy, just hazy. They do not even have a Weather Section in the Newspaper, the most I have ever seen is a Special Interest piece if something very unusual happens, like when it went to -4C in Delhi in December.My arrival coincided with the end of rainy season, maybe they talk about the weather during the rainy season and they are all talked out when it ends.

I am here for the "Not Summer" Season, it is still hot and humid during the day but it cools off nicely to the High 60's/Low 70's at night. For a local this is "bolt the windows closed" temperature but for me it is just right. Fortunately, I am scheduled to leave just as Summer begins so I will not need to experience the worst of the weather, although here they say that the Rainy Season is the worst season. Personally, I will take the rain over the heat but having never been in a Monsoon, I probably don't have the right  perspective. Mumbai is Central West India at approx 19 degrees latitude, near the north border of the Subtropics. So there is still a lot of country South of here which would be actual tropics and land to the North which will experience four Seasons and even snow.

I never thought about how much I would have talked about the weather on any given day until I never talked about it. Even if I bring up the weather as a conversation starter here, "Seems cooler today than yesterday." If I get a response at all, it never goes beyond "Oh, yes". Without the weather to talk about, my chances at small talk are gone. I find that I usually sit in silence when I am waiting for my driver, then while he is driving me to work, then in the elevator, then in the pantry at lunch, then on the drive back to the hotel. Not because of a lack of language but the inability to start a conversation without the weather as a transitional topic.

Try to think of how many conversations you have each day that in the Winter start with: "Boy, it is cold out there today!" or "Cold enough for you?". In the Spring, "Do you think it will rain?", "I wonder if it will be a short Spring". What about the Summer? "Man, will it ever cool down around here?" or "Hot enough for you?". Finally the Fall, "The leaves are beautiful this year." or "I wonder if we will get an early snow." Now try to imagine NOT starting a conversation with a reference to the weather. "How is it outside?", "Do I need a coat?", "I gotta go sweep off my car.", "Well, I better bundle up before I go." Try to go through one day without talking about the weather, I doubt if you can. I still talk about the weather every day, I just don't do it with Indians, I do it with my NA friends and my NA family.

Is That Flashlight Loaded?

Security is everywhere in India. Every door to every store, restaurant, hotel, commercial, industrial or multi-residential unit has 1 or more security guards manning it. Be prepared for a bag inspection, a pat down, an electronic wand at every entrance and most exits. Your vehicle will be inspected, trunk opened, bottom of the car scanned. At 76 police persons per 100k people, India has amongst the lowest per capita police presence. Canada comes in at 202/100K and the US at 256/100k while most of Europe at 300+/100K. As undertrained as they are, Indian Security Guards act at least as a visual presence or deterrence.

Many policemen are unarmed, especially during daylight hours, and most security guards are unarmed at all times which actually make me feel safer. The searchers are ostensibly looking for weapons and/or explosives but the cursory glance given will only find the largest or most obvious bomb. It would need to be 6 sticks of dynamite with a large alarm clock attached like Wile E. Coyote uses to try to blow the Roadrunner to smithereens or a shiny 44 Magnum like Dirty Harry carries to blow holes in concrete before these lightly trained guards could actually be effective.
 
There are some positive aspects to the use of Security Guards, one very obvious one is employment. India currently has approximately 5.5 million security guards employed by about 15,000 security companies. As an industry, this sector is now the country’s largest corporate taxpayer. It is also the fastest growing sector at 25% per annum. Another benefit may be (and I cannot be certain of this), there are rules about women who have to work after dark and whether they get a security guard to make sure they arrive home safely. I am sure the woman is still only as safe as the person protecting her but if there is a driver and a security guard then the likelihood that she will return home safely is significantly improved. As a husband, I take some solace in this.

At my own business, the Security Guards took away my camera on one visit but they let me bring my (picture capable) cell phone in day after day. The 60 year old unarmed guard at my hotel acts as more of a door opener than a security force. He sleeps leaning up against the door so that when someone opens the door he (theoretically) will wake up. I do not wish to wake anyone from a sound sleep so I have learned to open the door slowly so that he doesn't wake up, I think it is the polite thing to do. So like most places, security in India is really only there to make you feel safer not actually be safer.

How is the weather where you are?

I Can't Say Enough About The Food.

Since my posts on food are the most popular, I have put together another. A new and now very dear friend has made it her responsibility to see that I am eating properly, mostly as the result of her pride in India and things Indian mixed with a soupçon of pity for me and my plight to find edible dishes. She cooks most of these dishes herself or sometimes her tai (maid) makes them and she has pulled back heavily on the spices to better suit my palate. Here is a sampling of those new dishes.

Potato bhaji, bhaji means 'with vegetables' so potato bhaji is just diced potatoes cooked slow with peppers, onions, carrots maybe, spiced and served with chapati, this is quite similar to corned beef hash without the corned beef. You should tear the chapati into small pieces and use it to pick up the potato mixture before eating. For Cabbage bhaji, you would substitute the potato for shredded cabbage, I never eat cabbage mostly because the only way that English/Irish cooking prepares it is to chop and boil, probably the least interesting presentation. However, I would ask for seconds of Cabbage bhaji, the combination of the flavours with the slow cooking removes the bitterness of the Cabbage from the taste, in fact, if I hadn't been told it was cabbage, I would not have never known.

Masala Dal, we have discussed Dal many times since it is a staple of Indian cuisine, cooked and mashed yellow legumes usually split peas but can be yellow lentils. Masala as we have discussed means spice. Masala Dal is a side dish, usually red and can be extremely spicy but does not have to be.

 Do not under any circumstances try Khakhra, addictive doesn't come close to describing the experience. Flour, spices and carom seeds, rolled or pounded flatter than a nacho, then lightly fried in sunflower oil. This is one of the most interesting snack foods, that I have encountered. You can't eat just one (or two or four).

A Tilgud, mistakenly called Tilgul as a result of their use in a religious festival is a sweet nearly exactly the same as sesame snaps but with a bit of cinnamon and ginger and jaggery instead of honey. You give this sweet and say "Tilgul kha aani Ghod Ghod bola"; have this sweet and speak sweet words as sweet as this Tilgul. So the original name Tilgud; Til = sesame and Gud = Jaggery (sugar) became Tilgul.

Palak Paneer, like many Indian dishes, cannot be judged on looks alone. It looks like prison food (not even good prison food) but the taste is quite mellow and slightly nutty. Palak is spinach and Paneer is a dairy product that is very akin to Tofu.  The spinach is spiced, cooked and pureed and the paneer is chopped and lightly sauteed before being added. Although served as a main dish, this could be a side or even a soup because the consistency is on par with a squash soup.

Another Dal recipe, Masoor Dal, is made with the Masoor Lentil (a dark brown lentil with orange inside). The spices that flavour this Dal reminded me of the base for a Mexican chili before adding meat or tomato (if that is your preference). This can be served over rice as a main dish or as is with a meat dish. Some fun facts about the lentil for those of you trying to reduce meat consumption.  30% of their calories come from protein and are a very inexpensive source of two essential amino acids isoleucine and lysine. The starch from the lentil is 65% Resistant Starch (RS1) also known as Dietary Fiber, 30% is Slowly Digested Starch (SDS) of great value to Diabetics and only 5% is Readily Digested Starch (RDS). One more fun fact, Canada is the largest Exporter of Lentils.
 

Lassi is a sweetened yoghurt drink that is very popular here, it can be fruit flavoured such as pineapple or mango or have added spices such as cinnamon or ginger. Even though it is sweetened, it still has a slightly sour taste because the yoghurt base is more sour here than you would find in NA.

Is that flashlight loaded?

We Are Family

Relationships are complicated the World over, be they familial, marital, casual, business. In India, all relationships are further complicated by family. Imagine for a moment that your mother came to visit over the Christmas holidays just past and she is still there and then she bought a new mattress and then she sold her suitcases <shiver>. In many cases in India, a child never leaves the familial home, she is married (usually arranged) then her husband moves in, then they have children, then the children are married and do not leave bringing in their spouses, then they have children. There is no Old Age Security Fund so Parents ultimately become dependent on their children for financial support.

Hard to imagine? In NA, no matter what your relationship with your parents or siblings or children is, no matter how much you love them or don't, it is always known that at some point you will be away from them. Whether it is because you are going off to school or you are done school and are going off to your first job or you are getting married. Sooner or later the fledglings will leave the nest. NA parents begin preparing their children for this eventuality at an early age. I never thought about this till I was here but I have unconsciously been preparing my children to be out from under my shadow by around the age of 18, not because I want them gone, I have just always assumed it and acted accordingly, making sure I got as many life lessons in as possible in anticipation of them moving on to new challenges. This type of preparation does not happen in India, there is always the basic assumption that the child will always live with them.

Most marriages are still arranged but the method af arrangement has changed substantially. A women of marrying age (about 26) goes through resumes of possible suitors then interviews them, usually over the phone. If the Applicant makes it to the second interview successfully, a personal interview may be arranged. He is now a Candidate, if he passes the personal interview phase, the resume is presented to the parents who begin the negotiations with the Candidate's parents and they try to arrange an amicable figure for transfer of assets. If they are able to come to an agreement, he (the Hiree now) and she (the Hirer) are unlikely to see each other again until the Wedding which is usually in approximately three to six months.

There are two other types of marriages here; Love, and Love Cum Arranged. Love is just what it sounds like, two people meet, fall in love and get married (usually against their parents wishes, just like in NA). Growing in popularity is the Love Cum Arranged. Two people meet, fall in love, then bring in the negotiators (I mean parents) to arrange the transfer of assets (I mean the rest of the marriage). Conversations about marriage are quite different here. In NA, you might ask "How did you meet?". In India, a couple will tell you what kind of marriage they have or are having and single people will tell you what type they are going to have. I have heard single women say they want an arranged marriage so that if they get a bad choice, they can blame their parents.

Far less the shrinking violets they would like you to believe they are, women in India wield far more power than they would like known. During their dating years (which last until their late 20's) a woman  can confidently go out with anyone she wishes without ever making any commitments and being able to say goodnight without even a kiss at the door. They need only work until the get married since their future husbands will 'insist' that they stay home post marriage. A very small number of women are choosing to stay in their careers but this is still the exception, not yet a groundswell. Once becoming a stay-at-home wife, she will then hire a maid to do the house cleaning and cooking since no respectable woman would do these housely chores. I am sure there are many women in NA right now who would like to be as 'oppressed' as Indian women are right now.

I cannot say enough about the food.

Honesty is Such a Lonely Word

The newspaper abounds with reports of corruption, in fact, I do not think they would have enough news to print each day if they were not reporting on corruption. Politicians, police, businessmen, bankers all caught bribing someone or being bribed or skimming or taking kickbacks or emptying bank accounts. Corruption touches everyone's lives here because every dollar pocketed by an official is one less dollar that can be spent on food for the poor or on infrastructure to grow the economy. One estimate suggests the lost opportunity caused by corruption in terms of investment, growth and jobs for India is over US$50 billion a year. According to a report by KPMG, "high-level corruption and scams are now threatening to derail the country's credibility and economy"

Am I claiming that corruption does not exist in NA, absolutely not, but you would need to ask a lot of people in NA before you found one who either offered or was required to bribe. In my own little study leading up to this post, I could not find anyone who had not paid a bribe to one official or another. A recent study estimated that 60% of Indians had paid a bribe (40% to a government official). I speculate that the 40% that did not pay a bribe were probably too poor and simply had to go without. Speaking of the poor, the most recent estimate is that of the funds the government has set aside for the poor, only 15% reaches them. Please refer to my previous post on the Poor and remind yourself this is at least 70% of the population. The most simple daily-routine  administrative tasks cannot be performed without a bribe to the civil servant in charge of the paperwork. Indians accept it as a way of life. Corruption is not just systemic in India, it is endemic.

Corruption can kill people too. Reported in The Times of India, recently, 68% of the milk produced is unsafe, tainted at many sources. A tanker truck leaves the dairy farm for the producer, en route some of the milk is siphoned off and replaced with unsafe water. Once the milk is put into bags and shipped again, someone is drawing it out with syringes and replacing it with water again. Empty water bottles are collected and refilled with water to be resold to unsuspecting consumers, especially tourists.

Train officials are paid their bribes based on seniority. The Post Office is completely non-functional. Locals will tell you to NOT use the in-country Postal Service and that only Fee-Based companies such as Fedex and UPS will get your packages where they need to go. I am able to confirm this since I asked my wife to mail me a small care package of Splenda which after two months has yet to arrive. I was with my hosts recently when we were pulled over for a seatbelt violation. They were surprised when the policeman gave them a receipt for the 100rp (1.71Cdn) fine since they had expected him to pocket it. I am bothered when someone is surprised to find an honest policeman.

As usual, I am just reporting the news and my readers know I try to find the humour in every situation. Having never paid nor even been solicited for a bribe, I couldn't find anything funny about this. So if it is not funny then it must be sad. However, you will have to decide which is sadder; the person asking for the bribe or the person willing to give it unquestioningly.

I have a few more Articles which are in the Works but I am interested in where my Readers interests lie. Is there some facet of India Life which I have not explored which you would like to hear about. Let me know.

How About Some Sweets For My Sweetie?

I always talk about the spiciness of Indian Food but I haven't spoken much of the Indian Love for Sweets. Indians love sweets. That was a short post! Ok, just to illustrate my point, back home, I would keep a candy dish on my desk for anyone that wanted one, a small dish of candy (half of a 200g bag) $1Cdn (56Rp) would last a week in an office of about 200. Here, in an office of similar size, I buy a 500g bag of candy, 55Rp ($1Cdn), and it lasts three days. (I did the math for you, it is ten times as much.) Back home if I offer candy, the first response is, "No, Thank You.". Here, when I offer candy the response is, "Can I have two?".

Indian sweets are extremely sweet. So sweet that I can rarely eat more than a nibble before I am "sweeted out". I am always being offered some sort of sweet, so I have tried many things to date. One of the first treats I tried was Rasgullah. It is a Dairy based dessert, very sweet. It is basically cream, flour and sugar formed into a ball, boiled then soaked in sweetened coconut milk, serving size is a sphere with the diameter of a Silver Dollar (a Loonie to the Canucks), I can eat a half of one.

Soan papdi is butter, flour and sugar boiled then spread like a pie crust, to about one inch thickness, it dries flaky and tastes like compressed spun sugar (cotton candy squeezed into a ball) Serving size is a one inch cube, I can eat maybe a third. Gulab Jamb is cream, flour and sugar (are you seeing a trend) and spices, rolled into one inch balls, then deep fried and soaked in sugar syrup. I can eat a half of one.



Jangri is besan, butter and sugar mixed and rolled into tubes a tied up like a pretzel before deep frying, then soaked in sugar syrup. Serving size is about the size of your palm, I can eat less than a 1/4 of one. Pedas are a very dense mixture of dairy products, sugar, besan, saffron and other spices. It is served in a small 'puck' form about one and a half inches across, 1/2 inch thick, I can take a nibble off the side of one, so maybe one quarter or less. Sweetness is less of an issue than the overpowering taste of the saffron of which they use a lot. Chikki is sugar taffy similar to hard caramel taffy or what use would use to make the candy part of peanut brittle. Kheer, I have already told you about before knowing the name of it, it is rice cooed until it is completely broken down, flour, heavy cream and sugar with a fruit choice, almost custard thick (do not think this is just rice pudding). I cannot say enough about this dessert and I can finish a whole bowl. I will regret it later because it is so heavy but a little pain for a yummy gain.

If you are looking for the familiar; Cake is still Cake but slightly different and possibly better. Most cakes are 'three milk' style, probably the Spanish influence (tres leche) so they are very moist. If you want a Chocolate Bar, you can usually find the Major Brand Names, Snickers, Bounty, Mars, Kit Kat, etc. They come in two sizes, 25g for 15Rp (.27Cdn) and 54g (standard size in NA) for 30Rp (.54Cdn). There are local Brand names, that are knock-offs of the Major Brands at a small savings. Indians, however, prefer Dark Chocolate to Milk Chocolate. Also, they call everything 'Chocolate'; candy and chocolate combined, so if they ask for Chocolate, it is equally as likely they are asking for candy. You will not, however, find Pie. They seem to have never heard of Pie which surprises me because I had thought that Fruit Pies were found in British Cooking.

This is by no means a complete list of the sweets available here. So, if you have a sweet tooth, Indian sweets will most definitely satisfy and very quickly without having to eat a lot. For me, this has contributed to me needing to put a third hole in my belt, yay me!

Honesty is such a lonely word.

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

Giving to the needy in India will not give you the warm feeling for which you are hoping because no matter what or how much you give, a beggar in India will ask for more, they will keep begging to the point where you might regret your original offering. Begging in India is a family affair, parents teach their children how to beg. I have been approached by children as young as three years old with the traditional "I am hungry" gesture which is the reach out their hand, then put their fingers to their mouth.

Back home, my main or even my only charitable giving is Food Banks. I give money to school children going Door to Door selling chocolate or to the Scouts or Girl Guides but mostly I focus on feeding people. I simply believe that everyone deserves to eat and I follow it up at any opportunity. I like grocery shopping but sometimes overbuy so I box up food from our overstuffed larder and drop it at the Food Bank. I keep extra canned goods in the cupboard especially for the children to take for Food Drives. If I am approached on the street for money for food, I will usually give them food that I might be carrying or I walk them into the closest fast food place and buy them a burger or a bagel. Sometimes, I do not get the gratitude I would expect but at least they have to eat what I buy them and I know the money is properly spent.

 I am using a similar strategy here, I purchase local goods, usually to try them out, and discover I do not generally like them. For example, a Chocolate Chip Cookie in NA looks and tastes about the same on the West Coast as the East Coast as the Midwest. A Chocolate Chip Cookie in India will neither look like nor taste like your expectation. This is true for almost everything even Brand Names like Oreo's. So I usually have a stockpile of snacks that I did not like which I carry with me when I am in a larger center. When approached, I offer food. One time I had bought these "cream horns" but they were a disappointment so when I was asked for some money by a mother and child, I gave the child the cream horns. He was thrilled, he sat down and started eating them and every time he looked my way he gave me a 'white frosted' thumbs up. His mother, however, was relentless. I gave her a package of crackers but this was still not enough, she would not leave me alone and finally my hosts had to shoo her away.

This type of behaviour has become typical. Someone asks for money, I give food, they take the food and ask for more (probably still want money), I try to be polite but sooner or later one of my hosts will have to shoo the beggars away. I rarely give money but when I do, it will be in a secluded area so that I am not seen giving money. My hosts do not think I should give anything, even food, but this is too hard-hearted for me. Essentially everyone says to not give to beggars which makes me wonder how this can be a successful method to earn money and it can't be just Westerners giving money because there are not enough of us to support the number of beggars.

My hosts will argue that beggars could be working if they wanted to be but I am not so sure. From what I have seen it is difficult to find a steady job in India and nearly impossible to find a good job without being well-educated and education costs money starting at Junior Kindergarten. There are supposed to be funds for children to go to school up to 7th standard (Grade 7) but it is clear that many children of the poor are not being educated. Even if you can get educated to 7th standard, (12 years old) it is not enough to get a good job. While I believe that is possible that beggars are choosing to not work, I am not prepared to make that judgement call on the spot.

The adage that "Charity begins at home" is meant to suggest that one should be generous to one's family before being generous to others. I like to think that "Charity begins at home" should mean that if I am a charitable person, this will be passed on to my children. I hope I am right.

How about some sweets for my Sweetie?

How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?

Shopping in India can be just as uninteresting as it is in NA if you want it to be. Maybe there are too many things that are different so you may long for the sameness that a Mall can bring you. A Mall in India looks like a Mall in NA, the only difference that I notice is that there are a lot more employees per store, a lot more. In a department style store, every aisle has a permanent presence, so as long as you can make yourself understood, you will find what you are looking for (unless it is sugar free). A Mall can make you forget you are in a foreign land for a period of time (mostly).

Store bought goods, specifically packaged goods must have a price on them stamped by the manufacturer, like an MSRP (Manufacturer's Suggested Retail Price), this is by law to reduce dishonesty at the consumer level. A store can sell for less than that price but not for more. However, the bulk of spending in India occurs outside the store enviroment at the market level. Legitimate vendors require permits and will be found at the same spot time after time but there is an equal amount of illegitimate vendors who set up nearby to the legitimate sites to syphon off as much business as possible. These vendors risk seizure of their entire inventory but the rampant corruption that exists in Indian society means that few, if any, vendors are truly at risk.

Buying at at market means bargaining (haggling). As a Sales Agent, I have been negotiating most of my adult life, whether using my skills to get a better deal for my company or when I am out and about to make sure I am getting the best deal from vendors. By percentage, however, most NA's pay the price they see with only a few exceptions; cars, homes and yard sales. Funnily, however, I do not negotiate at Yard Sales. When I visit a Yard Sale, there is nothing that I need so badly that I need it at a lower price. When I have a Yard Sale of my own to sell all the stuff I bought at Yard Sales, I have priced it low enough that there should be no need to negotiate. When offered a lower price, I look at them and say "Really? A dollar is too much?" which is usually enough to quell any further negotiating, so I guess I am negotiating after all.

In India, I could pay full price and I am still getting a terrific deal. I bought a pair of shoes, which I doubt I could find for under $50 in NA. The Vendor's opening price was 350rp (5.95Cdn), I let my hosts talk him down to 200rp (3.40Cdn).  Another purchase was a chunri (shawl), the opening price was 250rp (4.28Cdn) and the final price was 100rp (1.71Cdn). For the most part, I let my hosts do the negotiating,  It helps to keep things friendly.  I am a little too harsh in my negotiation style, more of a take it or leave it type. Since there is nothing I actually need, anything I am buying is either a gift for someone else or as a tchotchke destined to be dusted endlessly (then sold at a Yard Sale). So my desire to buy at all is low thus I prefer to walk away.

The other reason that I let my hosts negotiate is that as a white, my opening price will be higher, probably about four times actual price, so negotiating to the lowest price is more arduous. My hosts will sometimes say, 'you could pay less for that' but at some point paying a lower price does not benefit me more but paying a little more will benefit the Vendor. I bought a Guide Book, the opening price was 350rp (6.08Cdn) which I purchased when he negotiated himself down to 100rp (1.71Cdn). What is the real value to me in negotiating further. What would I do with the 20 or 30 more cents that I could wring out of this guy versus what could he do with that same money.

Good or bad negotiator, prices here are terrifically low. If you are visiting, I would pack about half what you intend to pack and buy the rest here, you will not be disappointed. Colourful choices, excellent prices, the thrill of haggling, what more could you want? (This message is brought to you by Tourism India.)

Beggars can't be choosers.

I Can't Eat Another Bite!

I have had to put a second hole in my belt since first coming to India and I am getting close to giving up on trying to eat Indian Food. It has been three months now and I am not a whole lot wiser for the experience. If you are the sort that likes to eat ridiculously hot spiced food, book your flight now. Just to be clear, when I describe Indian Food and I say 'Spicy' I mean Hot Spiced.  For my part, I enjoy a little spice to flavour food. Flavour it, not cover up the taste of the food or replace the taste of the food with spice, just flavour it. For all intents and purposes, it doesn't matter what the base is, whether it is chicken or potato or rice or a pulse. It tastes the same because of the amount of spice placed on it. The types of spices used is going to vary. Masala is the term used to describe a melange of spices, not always the same mix but it corresponds to what we would call curry. The only problem for me is that the mixture is pulled exclusively from the hot end of the spectrum, capiscum (hot peppers), ginger, paprika, cayenne, onions and garlic.

I am very tired of the lack of choices that this creates for me. Pizza, McDonald's, Subway and a few dishes that the cook at the Pantry at my work takes pity on me and makes with as little spice as his training allows. If he is not working, I settle for a fruit plate, which (and don't laugh) I have to remind the guy to not sprinkle with cayenne powder. Whereas in NA, I probably would not eat the same dish once in a fortnight (two weeks to the non-anglophiles). I must sound like a wimp but this food is untenable. In Canada, I eat what I think are very spicy foods; Szechuan, Tex Mex, Mexican, Samosas, etc. but I mix hots with sweets; plum sauces, chutneys, barbeque sauce, cherry sauce, etc. Indians eat spicy food with even spicier toppings on the side. If you are coming to Indian and want to eat Indian, here is what you should do, before you come, coat your tongue with Wasabi, every day at each meal, even breakfast, then eat and then you may be prepared.

I had a Shrimp Alfredo, 330 rp (5.73Cdn), at a restaurant that although does not directly cater to Westerners (since there are not enough of us to be catered to) is Western Style with Western motif and Western dishes. Now, an Alfredo sauce is butter, flour, milk or cream, parmesan cheese, probably onion and garlic then maybe salt and pepper to taste. If this is what you are expecting in India, you will not be getting it. They WILL spice it up for you even if you ask them to not. I assume they believe they know better or they just can't help themselves or they must assume they heard wrong, "No spice, nah, he must have said mo' spice".

I have tried a few more things since I last reported but something confuses me. When someone gives me tastes of food from home or brings me food from their home kitchen, it is NOT spicy. More properly, it is spicy like a Tex-Mex dish is spicy maybe less. I have had home-made Moong Daal Khichdi which is basically dal and rice made together creating a very densely textured side dish and (although i do not normally recommend this) if you add a little ketchup to the top, because of the denseness, it has a flavour reminiscent of meatloaf (or else, I have simply forgot what meatloaf tastes like).

I have also had home-made dish that is called Brinjal but Brinjal actually just means eggplant so it is how you make the dish that is most important. I have seen it with cabbage, and/or carrots, and/or potatoes. I Liked it best with potatoes but i think the key is to sautee the eggplant with onions until brown which carmelizes it then don't overspice and it will have a slightly sweet taste. Although not one of the prettier dishes on the menu, I will suggest you try it as soon as possible, you will not be disappointed.

At a recent outing to one of my hosts home I was served a delicious chicken dish which I will definitely be making when I get home. This is not apparently a traditional Indian dish, more of a Western dish served with an Indian spin. There was no Indian name so they just called it Chicken Cutlets but basically it is equal parts Minced Chicken and Cooked Diced Potatoes, spiced with Cumin (i think you could use whatever kind of spice suits your palette), pressed into patties then sauteed (or barbequed? hmmm). By adding the potato, you are stretching the meat without seriously changing the flavour so it is great for families like mine who are trying to reduce the meat component of their diet. You could serve it with whatever side you might like (sweet and sour BBQ?) but they served it with a peppery Mayonnaise. (Oh no, I am getting hungry!)

So I can very much recommend these dishes but you will have to eat them at people's homes and not in restaurants, so make friends.

How much is that doggie in the window?

How Many Indians Can You Stand on the Head of a Pin?

(Sub-titled - Where Are You Keeping Them All?)

The population of India at 1.2B is second only to China at 1.35B with the US in distance third at 317M, Japan stands in 10th with 127M and Canada is sitting a comfortable 37th at 35M. To me, population is more like a game of Golf than a Horse Race, the lower the number the better. Population is not the whole story though, I believe population DENSITY is a more important measure. India comes in at 31st with 390 people per square kilometer, Japan is 39th with 337p/km2, China is 83rd with 141p/km2, the USA is 179th with 35p/km2, and Canada eagle putts for the win in 228th position with 3.5p/km2. Just so you don't need to look it up, the number one country is Macao at over 20,000p/km2 (ouch!) and bringing up the rear is Greenland 243rd at .3p/km2 (probably the only time that 'bringing up the rear' is a compliment).

Why do I think population density is more important than gross population, simple! where are you going to keep all your people if you do not have the space for them. Manhattan (also over 20,000 p/km2) has a recognizable solution, build upwards, use sky space and stack people on top of one another. Japan uses sky space but they also will use less space or multi-use space. Most Indians (those who live indoors) live in multi-dwelling units but not typically sky-scrapers, six to eight floors is typical which seems low for the density but with the number of power outages, I would not want to live on a particularly high floor. They also learn to manage with less space. A 1BHK (one bedroom, hall, kitchen) measures about 600sq feet will house a small family of three to four for the lower middle class, mom and dad in the bedroom, kids in the hall (living room). For the children to get their own (shared) room, both parents are probably working and would be middle middle class living in a 2BHK of 800 to 900 square feet.

Having never lived in a Metropolitan Area, I may not have the proper perspective but when I was single, I usually preferred to live alone, so I would live in a 1 bedroom which measured about 525 square feet. When I was married, we moved into a large 1 bedroom at about 900 square feet. After our first child we had a two bedroom house of about 1200 square feet on a 1/4 acre and now with two children we are in 1800 square feet with three bedrooms on about a third of an acre. We are finding this a little small and I am in the process of designing my next home at between 2200 and 2400 square feet on 80 acres.
Whenever possible a NA will move outwards which I am not suggesting is better. Outside the city is where the corn is growing and if you put a house there, then where will you plant the corn. I have assuaged my own conscience by learning to grow vegetables and using as much space as possible to do that. When I move next to a much larger property, I will grow vegetables that other people can eat, thus further lessening my guilt of living in a comparatively large home.

I asked one of my hosts why with two incomes they would not move outside the city onto a plot of land. He told me land is very expensive and although he could not give me an exact price, he said that actual land cannot be bought by the average family. Farmland, fortunately, is estated so it cannot be sold to be developed. I suppose that is not so good for the farmer but it benefits everyone else so I wish we had a similar law here in Canada.

Population density has other benefits, a municipality can afford infrastructure because it can spread costs over a larger group of people. New York and Toronto have Subways which is not affordable to a smaller city. Mumbai (and most Indian cities use rail to move people around. The cost of roadways is lower for a Metro Area because there are more people per linear mile than in a smaller 'lower' city. If 300 people live in an apartment building they use up 1 block of city space but put the same 300 people into homes at 2 people per home, 1/4 acre per lot, it takes up about 15 blocks of city space.

Usually, I just present the facts and compare and contrast the the world of the West and the World of the East but today, I am going to offer an opinion. Neither one of us is getting it right. NA's continue to spread out using up arable land and increasing the cost of services, while Indians continue to increase density putting pressure on service providing. I must say I like the Cuban model and I recommend my readers look into it but if you have suggestions, I would very much like to look at them. Land management is going to be, if it is not already, the key to the future.

No thank you, I couldn't eat another bite!

Pardon Me?

Despite the connections to England and the Commonwealth, English is a very lightly used language. Even in the office in which I work which is exclusively designed to assist the American customer base, English is only spoken when interacting with customers. There are signs every three feet reminding people that this is an English Only Area but even management does not abide by these strictures. I commented to my manager that maybe Coaches and Trainers should be speaking to Agents in English to continually practice English skills and he said "Definitely, it is your job to make them speak English." then turned to another person and started speaking Hindi.

Even in the Service Industry, English speakers are hard to find. Taxi drivers, Rickshaw Drivers, Restaurant Workers, Hoteliers and Shopkeepers rarely speak English. I estimate it is less than one in five people in these job types that speak any English. At my hotel, I am pretty confident that all of the support staff, all of the security staff and all of the restaurant staff have less than rudimentary English skills. Even the Desk Clerks cannot put together full sentences "Room clean?" (Do I want my room cleaned") "Holiday today?" (Am I not going to work today?). The Manager speaks fairly good English so I usually have to work through him but when he is not there, I must rely on Hinglish (my slowly growing vocabulary in Hindi and some simple English words and liberal use of Brand Names) and a lot of gesturing and pointing.


Pani (pah nee) is water, eka (ekg) is one or a (the article), do (doh) is two, tina (ty nah) is three, cara (ka rah) is four and pamca (pon che) is five so if you do not need to order more than five bottles of water, you should be able to book your trip now. If you need to know how much that water will cost, try kitne (keyt na). If you don't want water then order doodh (dude) or milk. Strangely, however, mixing in Hindi words doesn't always help because the Hindi listeners are still thinking you are speaking English. Ordering at my pantry is worthy of a Laurel and Hardy sketch comedy. I say milk, and they reach into the fridge and grab a juice, so I say doodh and I get a Mountain Dew. More pointing and several more misguesses later, there are about five things on the counter, fortunately at least one of them is a milk so I just buy them all, it's easier than explaining, costs less than the price of one bottle of pop in NA and besides, i need to try different things while I am here.

If you see English spelt words or name places, the pronunciation is not always obvious. 'Th' is not the same as in the or think, it is more like 'take' or 'time', and an 'e' at the end of a word is not usually silent like in 'tune' or 'some' but is likely pronounced with a hard 'a' sound. So, for example, the city of Thane which may seem obvious is pronounced tah nay.  'V' and 'W' are interchangeable but always pronounced with a 'wuh' sound, Vashi (wash ee) and Divali (Dee wah lee). Just like English though, the rules are not constant, 'via' is pronounced 'why a' but Punvale which you should now think is 'poon wah lay' is just 'puhn vayl'.

Reread my post entitled "Could You Repeat..." and the post on "Just Nod If..." and keep this in the forefront of your mind when speaking English in India. An Indian will not let you know they do not understand English. Before you get into the Rickshaw or Taxi or whatever, be absolutely certain he knows where you want to go and how much it will cost. If they do not understand the most likely response is none at all. No head movement is likely that they do not understand but do not want you to know it either.

How many Indians can you stand on the head of a pin?